003 ♐ Video ♐ Give me a Boo, give me a B, give me an S

[codename_duchess]

[CW: Discussion of cancer]

[Guess what has two thumbs and is awake, Barge? And guess what’s also reasonably unperturbed by falling into a Barge coma? THIS GUY.]

So in case some of you idiots didn’t know, it’s October, which means in addition to pumpkin spice lattes and slutty Halloween costumes sold on every corner, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [Archer holds up a little pink ribbon; there’s another one pinned to the lapel of his suit.] Nobody should have to go through this disease, because except for the medical marijuana it freaking sucks. So show some support, guys, wear a ribbon. And if you haven’t gotten checked lately, run through the self-exam or hit up the doctors in the infirmary. I’m sure they’d be happy to help. [It says something about how serious he is that he doesn’t make any jokes about this. Not even a crack about mammograms.]

And speaking of slutty Halloween costumes, who’s throwing the party? Is it BYOB?

[Private; Rogue]
Uh, pub?

Pub.

Comments

Audio

[codename_duchess]

Uh, who shamed who? I am entirely in favor of slutty clothes.

[mistconduct]

[Glancing up as Archer's shadow graces over his communicator, Chris makes a face and shuts it up]

Dane Cook? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm way funnier than that joke-stealing asshole!

[codename_duchess]

Right. Because making fun of male breast cancer survivors is fucking hilarious.

Audio

[megamind]

Never mind. Trek onward into your-- approval, then.

video

[permutates]

[ oh stahp it u (don't stop keep saying things) ]

I'm a mutant. Depends on if you have a problem with that.

Audio

[permutates]

I think he gets the point.

[mistconduct]

There are no male breast cancer survivors! Guys don't have breasts!

Audio

[megamind]

Well, at least someone got it across! I could't quite seem to.

THough his idea of a party is sound, and we could all use a breather...

Audio

[permutates]

What would you dress up as?

Audio

[megamind]

Uhm. I don't know? I've never... participated in that sort of thing.

[codename_duchess]

YES, DUMBASS, THEY DO. Why do you think men have nipples? Why do you think old guys get manboobs?

[mistconduct]

Well, according to you, it's so they can serve as convenient carry-around sacks of cancer.

[hellofleshyones]

I am not an "idiot", you intellectually impaired flesh bag. I have a very impressive robot brain.

[Sulk sulk sulk.]

But October does occasionally make for improved aesthetics. And plentiful excuses for alcohol consumption.

[routemistress]

...Since when do we need an excuse?

I'm thinkin' of going with a Wizard of Oz theme for me costume. Want to be me tin man?

[codename_duchess]

Stay where you are and don't move. If you do, I will kill and/or murder you.

[Archer's off again and returns carrying a common room TV, DVD player, and computer-burned disk, all of which he sets down at Chris's bedside table and begins setting up.]

I have proof on film. Now shut the hell up and watch the movie.

[hellofleshyones]

Oh, I do not. And neither do you. However most fleshbags seem to require one.

I am not made of tin.

Audio

[permutates]

But you know about it, don't you?

video

[codename_duchess]

[girl with you, he couldn't]

Yeah. I totally have a problem with the fact that you're a hot, highly evolved badass. Deeply offended here.

[mistconduct]

Wow. Can't see how that would detract from the totally fucking awesome situation I'm in now, asshole.

[But he sits still, watching with an aged exasperation as Archer starts setting up the tv]

The fuck? You're an A/V nerd as well as in full possession of a vagina?

Audio

[codename_duchess]

I was going to.

video

[permutates]

If I wasn't any good at fighting, would you still call me a badass?

[ Slight hesitation before 'badass' indicates it is not a word she uses often. ]

[codename_duchess]

If anything it'd make it better. At least if you did that "death toll" thing we could shave off your peach fuzz.

[Just you wait, Chris. Your exasperation will get even more aged.]

What, can you seriously not use iMovie. And we'll see who's got a vagina after this!

[What follows is documentation of some admittedly impressive vigilantism, especially when you consider the star was on chemo. It goes a little something like this. (CW: gore, torture, death) Archer narrates the scenes and explains non-stop, and Pam may have had something to do with the editing.]

video

[codename_duchess]

Technically you don't have to be great at fighting to be a badass. I mean, you've got to have plenty of skills.

[Is it a line? Is it posturing? Is it the truth? Who even knows.]

video

[permutates]

And you like to flatter pretty girls.

[codename_duchess]

Okay, I don't know how you have a robot "brain" instead of a hard drive or something but it's obviously not totally dysfunctional. How come Agent Smith over here is the only one who knows what's up?