008 ♐ Video ♐ If you don't answer I'll just ring it off the wall

[codename_duchess]

Oh my God, it's like one of those random video chat sites. Any moment now, some dude in a trailer park is going to pop up -- phrasing, boom -- and start jacking off.

Hey. So, Sterling Archer here, ISIS agent, checking in from the worst way station. Anyone out there? Who is preferably not an idiot from work? Before replying, please check that you are A. Interesting. B. Hot, C. Funny, or D. All of the above.

And before you ask, no, this is not a voicemail. …Videomail. Shit, video answering service? Whatever you call it, it's not one of those.

Comments

[97percent]

[The face on-screen startles, hands flying off her keyboard in the middle of work, and leans in to gape at the message. She hisses urgently over her shoulder to an unknown third party.]

I think we have a virus, Mma.

And what are you doing in our confidential files?

[codename_duchess]

Oh, for -- I am not a virus!

And I don't know, lady, I have no clue who you are!

[97percent]

[She opens her mouth for a retort, but pauses for a moment, stewing, clearly waiting for somebody who doesn't appear behind her.]

You- of course, you wouldn't. [She knows one white man in the entire country, a man with thirty years on her intruder.]

And if you're from the dating site, we no longer need your services. We found the husband we were looking for. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

[codename_duchess]

What, are you kidding? Sterling Archer does not need to use dating websites. Seriously offended you even thought that.

[97percent]

I meant as a representative! You look exactly like the kind of man they would use to deceive women and lure them into heartbreak.