codename_duchess | 002 ♐ Video ♐ All you back room schemers, small trip dreamers, better find something new to say

Seriously? Is that what everyone was so excited about, a bunch of people going nuts because someone messed with them? That happens everywhere! Why the hell didn’t you guys tell me about the goddamn Victorian city I was doomed to wander around, complete with my own freaking Hobbes?! I mean, we didn’t exactly have any sled conversations, but it was pretty obvious someone was playing around with the Calvin thing. [Did we mention he‘s in the pub and holding a Scotch? Because he is and he sips at it now. Yes, he’s essentially drunk-dialing the Barge -- this is a pattern he will probably follow for the duration of his time on board.] Which reminds me, who do I talk to about getting a cat?

Or getting my liquor cabinet restocked. Or my gun locker. And don’t give me some bullshit metaphysical answer like “you can’t talk to who’s in charge” or “you just have to wait”. I am neither a deist nor a Supremes fan. Oh, you know what else is bullshit? Detaining prisoners without charges! I get that we’re doing Archer in Wonderland, what I don’t get is why!

[He fumes at the camera for a minute before taking another drink of Scotch, which seems to have a calming affect almost immediately.] Because if I don’t get to talk to someone official I’ll assume it’s parking tickets. That, or banging that stuntwoman on the hood of that cab. ‘Cause let’s face it, I haven’t really done anything wrong.

-- Oh, shit, this isn’t about Woodhouse, is it? Come on! He’s not even people!

Is there anything else about this shitshow I should know?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I didn't bring mudwrestling into anything at all.

See, this is just your trouble. No imagination. No sense of performance.

I have a personally fine sense of theater and performance. I was a lawyer.

You need Nygma for farcical comedy.

Comatose. Along with everyone else I were counting on for affection and amusement. You're it, lovey.

Bother his boyfriend. Dote on Chris. Manage your inmate. I'm sure you've got a lot of options.

Chris' boyfriend or Eddie's? They're both busy doting themselves, any road, and Chris needs 'is rest right now. Victor's been quiet since the breach - though I do 'ave some plans in mind for 'im, as it 'appens.

But nothing I'd let stop me from keeping up with me friends. 'Ow'd the breach treat you?

I slept through it. Woke up and I'd lost time.

[ More than usual, anyway. He loses time with fair regularity, thanks to his other half. ]

That's a shame. It were a fun one. Parts of ourselves manifesting in their own shapes; it's a lovely concept. I miss mine.

The last thing I need is Two-Face in his own body.

[ Or maybe that's exactly what he needs.

Probably better than 'aving 'im in yours, love.

We are what we are. One without the other would be less than whole.

002 ♐ Video ♐ All you back room schemers, small trip dreamers, better find something new to say

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