codename_duchess: (Remember the Rock-Eater?)
[For a split second there is darkness, and a muffled "Shit, hold on - hold on, I got it" in Archer’s voice. When he gets his hand off the camera and holds the communicator up properly he’s in his natural state (drunk), behaving normally (drinking), leaning up against a chair propping up Gary’s feet.] Hey Barge, help us out with something.

[Gary is draped over both of the chairs in Archer’s room and endeavoring to take up as much space as is humanly possible. He flips the camera a lazy salute. He is also drunk. His sunglasses are on his head. It’s a party.] We wanted to know, what are some things you’ve done? Or haven’t done? What- what are the things -

[He trails off into giggling. Archer guffaws, raising a tall glass filled with a thick pale green substance in a toast.] Mmmm. So. - Yeah, anyway, we’re playing a game. And we’re going for the record, right, buddy?

I’ve no fucking idea, [Gary replies, grinning like an idiot and finishing off his own glass.]

Jesus Christ, really? We’ve been playing this for - holy shit, four hours and eight minutes. Do you seriously think anyone’s ever played Never Have I Ever for this long before? [Archer pauses thoughtfully.] Have any of you ever played Never Have I Ever for four hours and eight minutes? [He anticipates a no, raising his Green Russian expectantly.] We’re kinda running out of questions.

[Gary reaches down to swat at Archer’s shoulder to get his attention.] Oh, waitwaitwait. Never have I ever kept a Never Have I Ever game going this long!

Except you totally have now! [Archer greets this with a cheer, punching the air as he drains down the rest of the drink in one go.]

[OOC: Truth flood joint post with [personal profile] this_corrosion! Both Gary and Archer are affected. Replies may come from either or both of them.]
codename_duchess: (That is classic mother)
Seriously? Is that what everyone was so excited about, a bunch of people going nuts because someone messed with them? That happens everywhere! Why the hell didn’t you guys tell me about the goddamn Victorian city I was doomed to wander around, complete with my own freaking Hobbes?! I mean, we didn’t exactly have any sled conversations, but it was pretty obvious someone was playing around with the Calvin thing. [Did we mention he‘s in the pub and holding a Scotch? Because he is and he sips at it now. Yes, he’s essentially drunk-dialing the Barge -- this is a pattern he will probably follow for the duration of his time on board.] Which reminds me, who do I talk to about getting a cat?

Or getting my liquor cabinet restocked. Or my gun locker. And don’t give me some bullshit metaphysical answer like “you can’t talk to who’s in charge” or “you just have to wait”. I am neither a deist nor a Supremes fan. Oh, you know what else is bullshit? Detaining prisoners without charges! I get that we’re doing Archer in Wonderland, what I don’t get is why!

[He fumes at the camera for a minute before taking another drink of Scotch, which seems to have a calming affect almost immediately.] Because if I don’t get to talk to someone official I’ll assume it’s parking tickets. That, or banging that stuntwoman on the hood of that cab. ‘Cause let’s face it, I haven’t really done anything wrong.

-- Oh, shit, this isn’t about Woodhouse, is it? Come on! He’s not even people!

Is there anything else about this shitshow I should know?
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