007 ♐ Video ♐ Why would you wish that on me? I never want to act my age

[codename_duchess]

Okay idiot, here's what the rest of these assholes are getting from me.

Get Rogue a pair of Fiocci leather and lace gloves. Opera-length. I'm pretty sure I saw some in Lana's lingerie catalogue awhile back. Nathan needs a watch, so something decent by Omega would be good. Aeryn gets really good laser tag equipment so she can teach me to go all Halo the way she learned. And speaking of equipment, phrasing boom, get Iris a kickass sound system and a shit-ton of colored lights plus a disco ball and fog machine. If you could do something magic and cool for Morgana that'd be great -- like, shit, I don't know. The Monster Book of Monsters or something. And for Raven, give her a wardrobe filled with costumes for different people from different historical eras. Including future ones because where the shit are you steering us next, dumbass? She has to freaking blend in!

Catra gets a ton of fine jewelry and maybe, like, a new stripper outfit. Um. Loki's Norse, so… two pet ravens? For Cassel… get Cassel a literal pair of rose-colored glasses. Preferably worn by John Lennon. Oh! And get Scott a jersey worn by his favorite lacrosse player. Chris the new King of the Robots can have a tiny R2D2. All beeping and wheeling around on the floor behind him -- God, that's freaking adorable. Now I want one.

Get that idiot Bond a copy of Krieger's hologram girlfriend. Make sure she follows him around. And that zombie dick? Give him one of those stupid My Little Pony things. Make it fall apart if he touches it. ETA: As for that weird cannibal freakshow, get him an appropriate anatomical image.

For everyone else, just give them a bottle of Glengoolie blue. Oh, except for the kids. They can have -- shit, chocolate milk or whatever the hell it is kids drink.

SNOWBALL FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

[The feed captures the CES, snowy, hilly, and covered in pine forests. The place is a regular winter wonderland: in fact it's Gstaad, Switzerland, a ski resort with the chateau and lift stripped away. A series of snowballs, thrown rapid-fire against the trunk of a pine tree, explode into icy powder as Archer laughs.] Yes! Still pitching like the world's manliest top!

So I've been waiting to say this since I was, like, three. I AM DECLARING WAR ON THE CITIZENS OF THIS DIMENSION.

Okay, here's what we're doing. SNOWBALL WAR IN THE CES, BITCHES. Grab your friends, grab your warden, and grab a handful of snow and try to kick some ass. Bring it home like it's Pizza Hut, guys, or the fight's coming to the halls. The winners get everlasting glory and valor! The losers get mocked into oblivion!

And, seriously. Like half you assholes don't want to see me lose.

Which I won't. Because, uh, duh.

[There's a slight pause in which that line of thought ends, giving the feed an uninterrupted and rather pretty alpine winter image. Then it blurs as he takes off running somewhere, catching his voice as he darts off:]

SCOTT'S ON MY TEAM!

Comments

[robinwishes]

Be up in ten. Be prepared to have your asses handed to you.

[codename_duchess]

What, by a preteen in Barbie mittens? Good luck, kid...

[ichoosefight]

Make that two post-teens with assorted girly mittens.

[codename_duchess]

Yes, yes, we know you're sexually mature. You can stop talking about it.

[robinwishes]

Name's Hit Girl, bitch, and I will end you.

Or at least make you regret this.

[routemistress]

Challenge accepted, Agent Archer.

[private/Victor]

You, me, me tennis-ball launcher and your woodsman skills, want to?

[codename_duchess]

BRING IT ON!

[routemistress]

Oh, we will be. Might be a novelty to 'unt down someone we're not going to eat.

[A deliberate, sweet smile.]

Probably.

[coldlies]

You will lose. [Because Loki is gonna cheat.]

[codename_duchess]

You sure about that?

[coldlies]

Completely.

[neuropathy]

[ Buzzkill Aldrin thinks this is a recipe for injury and death, however: he's also from Maine, where no childhood happens without snowball fights. In varying degrees of viciousness. ]

Hell of a level playing field.

[ Oh look, he's being dry. ]

'nless some've us are gettin' cannons.

[ ...whatever, he's still in. ]

[codename_duchess]

[Injury and death are the best recipes, Nathan. (Don't worry. There are no sleds here.)]

Just one of us so far. ...You don't have a snowplow in your cabin, do you? 'Cause we could really use a good fort.

[neuropathy]

[ PLS, as if he didn't go right back to sledding once his arm healed. ...which wasn't until well into spring, so never mind. ]

Lemme check.

[ Slow pan around the interior of said cabin, which remains as per usual his office. There's not enough space in there for an additional chair, let alone a snowplow. ]

not really here

[mirabilis]

[ Dear warden of hers, what are you doing? ]

[neuropathy]

[ Certainly not planning to get you involved in a snowball fight, Helena! ]

[force_captain]

[She doesn't get it.]

You're fighting with snow.

[codename_duchess]

Well, yeah. Paging Dr. Obvious.

[force_captain]

[Confused and annoyed. She can tell by the tone that he meant that in a less than positive way. But really....mostly confused.]

Who is Dr. Obvious?

[la_belle_rogue]

[Your Warden is all smiles. She highly approves of this.]

You're stuck with yer Warden on yer team, just so ya know.

[codename_duchess]

OH COME ON. Do they even have snow where you're from?

[la_belle_rogue]

Ah've seen mah fair share. [Such a flat look.]

[neverfeltbetter]

[He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. Fully grown men shouldn't be making snowballs to throw at people, right? But damn if that doesn't sound fun. He lived in Florida before living in space, snow is still a novelty. How can he pass this up? He can't.]

You're on!

[Because stuff has already sucked around here, so why the hell not pelt complete strangers with snowballs? Better than how he usually makes friends.]

[codename_duchess]

[Crichton's gone through roughly the same thought process Archer did - the Barge sucks, most of the people on the Barge suck, therefore, hit them with soft projectiles.]

Bring it!

[neverfeltbetter]

Get ready to put your money where your mouth is.

[And he's on his way.]