codename_duchess: (It's tinnitus)
Sterling M. Archer ([personal profile] codename_duchess) wrote2014-03-07 06:01 pm

011 ♐ Video & Spam ♐ Baby please don't go down to New Orleans, I love you so, baby please don't go

[Video]
[Archer is on the deck, ready for action in his slightly darker black turtleneck, and he looks really freaking annoyed.] I need a warden to let Kazak and me into the CES. [He turns the communicator to show the "Kazak" in question, a placid-looking St. Bernard approximately two-thirds Archer's size. The dog barks in greeting, jowls wobbling.] Anyone who's close will be good. And why the hell is that thing locked anyway? Are you guys super-worried about letting inmates out for a diabolical game of fetch? Or bringing their pets in to take a piss somewhere that isn't their carpet?

[CES spam]
[Archer is in a boggy swath of land bordered by cypress trees somewhere inspired by Louisiana, throwing a stick approximately the size and width of his own arm. Kazak bounds after it, wandering through the grass to pick it up and bring it back except for those times when he finds something more interesting to retrieve. A frog, perhaps, or a turtle sunning itself.

At one point an alligator lazily surfaces in the muddy water and Archer jumps and calls the dog back with approximately the same desperation as a mother pleading for her child to press their way out of a burning building.
] KAZAK, NO! COME BACK RIGHT NOW! GET AWAY FROM THAT GODDAMN GATOR!

[Once the dog is safely returned he tosses the stick far in the opposite direction, toward the door.]
mistconduct: ([unmasked] cornrows were a good idea)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:12 am (UTC)(link)
That is a fucking big dog, dude.

Puppy play date. I'll let you in.

Also we don't let people in because you can totally use the CES to grow pot.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] america! fuck yeah!)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:24 am (UTC)(link)
He's not a secret agent. You're not a secret agent. And if your dog eats my dog I'm gonna pull a Red Riding Hood, cut him open, and take my dog back.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] rocking the hat)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
"Friendly fire" doesn't go on your kill score, genius. That's supposed to count against you.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] kitty fuzziness)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:32 am (UTC)(link)
ISIS? That's the name of your secret organization? Gay.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] chilling on the porch)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
Call me an idiot one more time and I'm not letting you in the CES.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] eyebrow cocked)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
You're goddamn right.

Lassie, up.

[And Chris' own service dog bounds to the call, as he begins to pull on his legs]

Meet you down there, buddy.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] nervous)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't. She came with that name, because I never wear my Lassiebot.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] annoyed)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
I like Lassie. She grows on you.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] shrugging)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 03:03 am (UTC)(link)
Hispanics name their kids Jesus all the time.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] questioning my origins brb)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 03:46 am (UTC)(link)
God, you're such an idiot.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] over the shoulder)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-08 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm named Christ-opher.
mistconduct: ([unmasked] well what do I do now?)

[personal profile] mistconduct 2014-03-09 01:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Jesus isn't in a grave, genius.
this_corrosion: (don't need a relationship)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
Are you sure that's a dog? Jesus, you could ride around on it.
this_corrosion: (don't need money don't need fame)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
What are you going to do with it all cooped up on a ship? There's nowhere to go.
Edited 2014-03-08 02:46 (UTC)
this_corrosion: (don't need money don't need fame)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
CTS and CES the same or different?
this_corrosion: (if you are not very careful)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
Never been?

[Not for long. The friends who kill robots with bats together stay together.]
this_corrosion: (i'll never soften my grip)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 03:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[For a moment he debates asking whether this is the actual mythological Loki or some New Age prat that changed his name to Loki from Greg. But apparently believing the first thing people tell you is how it's done on the Barge. Some day he's going to exploit that.]

We've got gods here? Fuck me, this place should be a lot easier to escape than everyone says it is.
this_corrosion: (i'll never soften my grip)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)
That's funny, I was pretty sure he's an arsehole.
this_corrosion: (because i feel like i'm the worst)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
What's an Observer, then, something from your version of Earth?
this_corrosion: (one track heart)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-08 10:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Heard of it! Sort of.
this_corrosion: (because i feel like i'm the worst)

private, audio

[personal profile] this_corrosion 2014-03-09 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
I dunno, I've been out living my life. I'll watch it now if you've got the tapes, got nothing but time here.