codename_duchess: (It's tinnitus)
[personal profile] codename_duchess
[Video]
[Archer is on the deck, ready for action in his slightly darker black turtleneck, and he looks really freaking annoyed.] I need a warden to let Kazak and me into the CES. [He turns the communicator to show the "Kazak" in question, a placid-looking St. Bernard approximately two-thirds Archer's size. The dog barks in greeting, jowls wobbling.] Anyone who's close will be good. And why the hell is that thing locked anyway? Are you guys super-worried about letting inmates out for a diabolical game of fetch? Or bringing their pets in to take a piss somewhere that isn't their carpet?

[CES spam]
[Archer is in a boggy swath of land bordered by cypress trees somewhere inspired by Louisiana, throwing a stick approximately the size and width of his own arm. Kazak bounds after it, wandering through the grass to pick it up and bring it back except for those times when he finds something more interesting to retrieve. A frog, perhaps, or a turtle sunning itself.

At one point an alligator lazily surfaces in the muddy water and Archer jumps and calls the dog back with approximately the same desperation as a mother pleading for her child to press their way out of a burning building.
] KAZAK, NO! COME BACK RIGHT NOW! GET AWAY FROM THAT GODDAMN GATOR!

[Once the dog is safely returned he tosses the stick far in the opposite direction, toward the door.]

Date: 2014-03-08 02:32 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] kitty fuzziness)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
ISIS? That's the name of your secret organization? Gay.

Date: 2014-03-08 02:46 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] chilling on the porch)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
Call me an idiot one more time and I'm not letting you in the CES.

Date: 2014-03-08 02:54 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] eyebrow cocked)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
You're goddamn right.

Lassie, up.

[And Chris' own service dog bounds to the call, as he begins to pull on his legs]

Meet you down there, buddy.

Date: 2014-03-08 02:58 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] nervous)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
I didn't. She came with that name, because I never wear my Lassiebot.

Date: 2014-03-08 03:01 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] annoyed)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
I like Lassie. She grows on you.

Date: 2014-03-08 03:03 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] shrugging)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
Hispanics name their kids Jesus all the time.

Date: 2014-03-08 03:46 am (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] questioning my origins brb)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
God, you're such an idiot.

Date: 2014-03-08 06:15 pm (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] over the shoulder)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
I'm named Christ-opher.

Date: 2014-03-09 01:24 pm (UTC)
mistconduct: ([unmasked] well what do I do now?)
From: [personal profile] mistconduct
Jesus isn't in a grave, genius.
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