020 ♐ Video ♐ Coming back from the edge of town underneath their feet

[codename_duchess]

[CW: mention of cancer]

For those of you who don’t know me, hi. Sterling Archer, ISIS top agent, world’s most dangerous spy. And if you don’t believe that ask Bond, since I beat the shit out of him. I’ve recovered nuclear material, assassinated enemy agents, fought arms dealers, space pirates, killer cyborgs, the Yakuza, North Korean terrorists, and the KGB. I’ve been poisoned, declared legally dead, beaten breast cancer, and been shot twenty-two times – all before I got on the Barge. Long story short, I am a huge badass.

My adventures on the Barge are pretty awesome too but I don’t need to tell you that. Chris, Rogue, and Morgana can do that for me – right, guys?

Anyway, chalk up another tally in the badass column: I, Sterling Archer, have beaten the Barge. [Check out his brand-spanking new shower stall and redwood Japanese soaking bath!] Check it out, dickwads, I graduated! And it only took me a couple months. …Several months. Less than a year. So I’m going to go home to keep kicking bad guys’ asses and also check in on Lana. Because she’s pregnant and that’s kind of a big deal.

…The point is, I’m badass.

Rogue, you promised me a goddamn cake.

Comments

[lastrat]

I did have a bullet in my shoulder at the time.

[mistconduct]

Well, holy fucking shit. You did it faster than me, man.

Fuck.

[ichoosefight]

Hah! Congrats, Archer. [ Boy, this is a surprise. ]

[codename_duchess]

Oh like it's impossible to win a fight after getting shot.

[codename_duchess]

That is because I'm the epitome of the quintessence of the embodiment of awesome.

how did accidental unsubscription happen, sorry ><

[codename_duchess]

Thank you, Steph. Glad somebody said it.

[strangehistorian]

Congratulations!

[la_belle_rogue]

Ah did promise a cake, didn't Ah.

[It is not actually a question. She is smiling so hard her face is going to hurt soon.]

Do Ah gotta wait until it's baked ta come give ya a hug?

[codename_duchess]

Thanks, lady!

[codename_duchess]

You did. And you said you wouldn't get a stripper to pop out of it but dammit, you still should.

[He is grinning like a loon too, not just because of his graduation but because goddamn, if he is a badass Rogue is an ass-kicking tornado of awesome. Not that he'll say that.]

No, but I want it as soon as it's done.

[la_belle_rogue]

[She laughs and shakes her head.]

You'll get it. A promise is a promise. Now Ah'm on my way up.

[And she hangs up to do what she said. Go give him a huge bear hug.]

lol for a sec I thought you had just never subscribed

[ichoosefight]

Am I seriously the first? We'll have to schedule a barge wide etiquette lesson.

[mistconduct]

So in other words, totally stupid and lucky.

Who's your warden? I should buy them a drink.

[codename_duchess]

[Look, an example of how much Archer has grown: he can bearhug Rogue right back without hitting on her!]

So. What flavor is it?

no just a wayward click

[codename_duchess]

Duh and/or hello? You're the nice one.

[codename_duchess]

Well... yeah. That's how I do things.

Rogue. Who's your inmate? They can have some of my cake.

[la_belle_rogue]

[She is very impressed. Such a proud not-sister.]

Rum, of course. Ah know what ya like.

[ichoosefight]

Now there's a frightening though.

[mistconduct]

Slevin. I'm pretty sure he doesn't eat cake, so I'll take his piece too.

You're gonna be one of us, you think? Or is this a for-real goodbye?

[codename_duchess]

You can have two pieces and he can have a piece of his own. Or give it to you or someone else.

Pssh, no. Why would I do the warden thing? Like there's anything I could get that I don't already have.

[codename_duchess]

Shut up, you're nice.

Idiot.

[mistconduct]

I would love two pieces. Fuck yeah.

How about a new mom? That would work. Although you might fuck up the time stream.

[codename_duchess]

There's more rum outside the cake, right?

[codename_duchess]

I have one, asshole! A shitty one. Why would I need another mom?

[ichoosefight]

I don't know if I trust your standards of 'nice'.