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codename_duchess[The communicator clicks on and catches the sounds of violent coughing and desperate gasps for breath, which swiftly turns into equally loud and violent shouting.] Ha ha, guys, great joke! Let Archer inhale water then dump his semiconscious body in this new place called the Middle of Nowhere while we wait for him to call for an extraction, because that’s really freaking funny! You know what else would’ve been hilarious? TAKING ME TO A GODDAMN HOSPITAL!
Seriously, I’ve got water in my ears. Do you know how annoying that is? It’s like having a piece of coral stuck in your scuba flipper, which I wouldn’t know anything about because you three took all the gear. Dammit, Lana! I did not skipper a submersible down to the bottom of the freaking ocean to be abandoned like a redheaded stepchild!
Oh hey, speaking of, is this one of Mother’s training exercises? Because great timing, this is classic her. Sure, her only child could use some help getting seawater out of his lungs, but let’s toss him out in a survival scenario instead, that’ll accomplish WAY more!
[There is a beat wherein the speaker appears to reconsider, and when he continues his voice is bewildered instead of angry.]
Where the hell am I, anyway? Helloooo, idiots?
Seriously, I’ve got water in my ears. Do you know how annoying that is? It’s like having a piece of coral stuck in your scuba flipper, which I wouldn’t know anything about because you three took all the gear. Dammit, Lana! I did not skipper a submersible down to the bottom of the freaking ocean to be abandoned like a redheaded stepchild!
Oh hey, speaking of, is this one of Mother’s training exercises? Because great timing, this is classic her. Sure, her only child could use some help getting seawater out of his lungs, but let’s toss him out in a survival scenario instead, that’ll accomplish WAY more!
[There is a beat wherein the speaker appears to reconsider, and when he continues his voice is bewildered instead of angry.]
Where the hell am I, anyway? Helloooo, idiots?
no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 01:38 am (UTC)[You wanted the literal answer, right? Whatever. He's giving it to you anyway.
And then he tilts his head to evaluate; there's a quiet whirr that might be background noise but just as easily might not be. He's analyzing.]
Do you wish for the truthful answer or one which would be designed to spare your idiot fleshy feelings?
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Date: 2013-09-20 01:41 am (UTC)Give me the real answer, gears for brains.
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Date: 2013-09-20 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 01:47 am (UTC)There's an infirmary. [Dude, you are so loud.]
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Date: 2013-09-20 01:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 01:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 01:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:13 am (UTC)[He taps his chestplate as emphasis. It thunks in a way he seems to find particularly pleasing, if the way he grins is any indication.
...it's not a very pleasant or comforting grin, closer to a cross between a smirk and what some probably predatory alien race might think a grin looks like after watching a serial killer convention for a week.
It's honestly better than one of his other brothers. At least he doesn't have sharp teeth.]
You are on an interdimensional transport vessel tasked with the rehabilitation of a number of individuals deemed morally deficient in some way. You are most likely dead. There is no escape so it is useless to attempt one.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:21 am (UTC)...Actually, space jail sounds kind of cool. Do I get to beat up criminals?
Seriously, if I'm dead, I don't want James Mason this time. Give me Sigourney Weaver instead. Ooh! Or Burt Reynolds. I bet we'd be way better friends now that he dumped my mother.
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Date: 2013-09-20 02:26 am (UTC)Which reminds me, Sterling Archer, ISIS agent. [And cue the charm.] And besides beautiful, you are?
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Date: 2013-09-20 02:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:42 am (UTC)I am assuming that is supposed to have some kind of meaning. If you are referring to your warden I am pleased to inform you that you have no choice or voice in the selection. It appears to be at random.
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Date: 2013-09-20 02:42 am (UTC)[ r u d e ]
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Date: 2013-09-20 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 03:02 am (UTC)How much you think you got by now?
no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 03:07 am (UTC)Okay. Get a magnet and throw it up in the air. If it doesn't stick to you, you're not a robot. Unless you're one made of a non-magnetic alloy, which considering the rarity and this economy, is, let's face it, unlikely.
No offense.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-20 03:09 am (UTC)[Just no.]
Do robots bleed?