008 ♐ Video ♐ If you don't answer I'll just ring it off the wall

[codename_duchess]

Oh my God, it's like one of those random video chat sites. Any moment now, some dude in a trailer park is going to pop up -- phrasing, boom -- and start jacking off.

Hey. So, Sterling Archer here, ISIS agent, checking in from the worst way station. Anyone out there? Who is preferably not an idiot from work? Before replying, please check that you are A. Interesting. B. Hot, C. Funny, or D. All of the above.

And before you ask, no, this is not a voicemail. …Videomail. Shit, video answering service? Whatever you call it, it's not one of those.

Comments

[madeofplants]

Did the parliament... of trees... send you?

[ichoosefight]

That's not normal, and it's not healthy. For you or the person you're beating up. Trust me, this is why Batman is so socially incompetent with the people he cares about. It's a bad sign.

[codename_duchess]

He doesn't have to be socially competent! He's Batman!

[ichoosefight]

Hi! I'm Batgirl. [ She waves a hand sarcastically. ]

I do everything Batman does, I have friends, small children are not afraid of me, and to my knowledge I have never made anyone cry accidentally.

[anythingiwant]

[Oh no, you did not just talk to her daughter that way. Shut up. Mystique is not required to make sense when she's snooping into her kid's life.]

Watch yer mouth.

[That is indeed a narrow-eyed threat.]

[codename_duchess]

Whatever. Batgirl and Robin and all you guys, you're supposed to be the nice ones. You and Superman. Batman doesn't have to be nice, he just has to kick ass and take names.

[codename_duchess]

Do I look like a freaking tree to you?

[codename_duchess]

[Mystique, Archer talks to everyone that way. Especially Rogue. And even you.]

Or what? You'll gag me?

[ichoosefight]

Batman being an ass nearly got me killed. Apparently it did get a version of me killed. I promise you, it does not help him kick ass and take names. Hell, I'd say his successor does a better job than the original, just by cracking a smile every now and then.

[madeofplants]

You look... like a man... I have never met.

[this_corrosion]

Oh, I can probably get one.

[He leans back, yells for someone not visible on the screen.]

Hey, Trisha!

[Distantly, a female voice can be heard telling him to fuck off. Gary doesn't look at all discouraged.]

Think she's mad at me. Can't remember why.

[97percent]

I meant as a representative! You look exactly like the kind of man they would use to deceive women and lure them into heartbreak.