006 ♐ Voice ♐ The party don't start till I walk in

[codename_duchess]

[This time, Barge, you do not get treated to the sight of Archer's face. This is because his recent coma just saw his initiation into another grand Barge tradition: being drawn on while passed out.]

Okay so that's not the first time I've spent a holiday passed out, but it still kind of sucks. At least I missed the community koombayah where everyone goes around saying what they're thankful for. Spoiler alert, nothing.

Are there still leftovers? Is the Wild Turkey gone?

If not, and if anyone needs me, I'll be in the spa and then Rogue's bathroom. With the door locked and the radio on. And the hot water running. For several hours.

Jesus, you guys are like a bunch of frat kids.

Comments

[patheticvillain]

Hey now. I'm not a frat kid. I'm the kid who slashes frat kids' tires. Get your facts straight.

[codename_duchess]

Okay, first of all, I don't know what part of joking about me having sex with prepubescent girls isn't a rape joke. Secondly, like you said, it isn't funny. Third, I'm like -- honestly offended you think I'd possibly be interested in you. Fourth, shut the hell up and go take your teenage angst out on someone who gives a shit.

[codename_duchess]

That doesn't sound like letting me use your bath, Frida Kahlo!

[ichoosefight]

I was not joking about you having sex with prepubescent girls.

[la_belle_rogue]

Course y'can. He's not in trouble.

[codename_duchess]

I'll get it off when Rogue opens the door and lets me use her freaking bathroom!

[codename_duchess]

Whatever. Some variant of kid. Who draws on unconscious people.

[notdreaming]

You could ask nicely, you know.

[patheticvillain]

Well, yeah, because a) my birthday isn't until later this month and so I'm still not a legal adult, and b) drawing on unconscious people is super fucking fun.

But I didn't draw on you. Untwist your thong.

[codename_duchess]

I'm the top agent for the International Secret Intelligence Service. ISIS for short. [Let's not even get into ODIN.]

[codename_duchess]

...I could what?

[codename_duchess]

Then what the hell were you joking about.

[notdreaming]

Ask. To use her bathroom.

[codename_duchess]

a) happy freaking birthday, and b) try that on me and your next birthday cake will be administered via feeding tube.

[ichoosefight]

How fucked up the multiverse is. In addition to the fact that I don't actually know where you come from or what fucked up laws they might have. Plenty of places don't even have laws about consent. More places do but don't care.

[codename_duchess]

...Why?

[He's not being obstinate here; asking nicely has just never been a thing in the Archer family.]

[codename_duchess]

I'm from New York, genius, where the age of consent is 18 and people who break it are freaking felons. But hey, I guess I should cut you some slack. My accent's totally impossible to place.

[notdreaming]

Because it would be polite and less likely to end in violence. Just as a general rule.

[patheticvillain]

a) Happy consciousness, a1) thanks, b) what if instead of that I made you a collage of all the awesome shit you missed while you were napping?

[ichoosefight]

New Jersey. 16. And I'm 17, also for the record. And so far all my friends except maybe one are from alternate wacko universes.

[codename_duchess]

So what? Doesn't mean I'm going to go around banging underage girls.

[codename_duchess]

Yeah, but... I need to use her bathroom.

[Because getting something without strong-arming people into giving it -- what is this nonsense?]

[ichoosefight]

[ SIGH. ]

But it might mean that things are different. Hence the 'alternate' part. No allegations were made against you, just your freaky deaky version of the world.

[codename_duchess]

a) THANK YOU, about time someone said it, a1) you're welcome, I'm not getting you anything, b) I guess that doesn't sound totally sucky.

[notdreaming]

Repeat after me:

"Hey, Rogue, is it alright if I use your bathroom to clean my face?"