codename_duchess: (That is classic mother)
[personal profile] codename_duchess
Seriously? Is that what everyone was so excited about, a bunch of people going nuts because someone messed with them? That happens everywhere! Why the hell didn’t you guys tell me about the goddamn Victorian city I was doomed to wander around, complete with my own freaking Hobbes?! I mean, we didn’t exactly have any sled conversations, but it was pretty obvious someone was playing around with the Calvin thing. [Did we mention he‘s in the pub and holding a Scotch? Because he is and he sips at it now. Yes, he’s essentially drunk-dialing the Barge -- this is a pattern he will probably follow for the duration of his time on board.] Which reminds me, who do I talk to about getting a cat?

Or getting my liquor cabinet restocked. Or my gun locker. And don’t give me some bullshit metaphysical answer like “you can’t talk to who’s in charge” or “you just have to wait”. I am neither a deist nor a Supremes fan. Oh, you know what else is bullshit? Detaining prisoners without charges! I get that we’re doing Archer in Wonderland, what I don’t get is why!

[He fumes at the camera for a minute before taking another drink of Scotch, which seems to have a calming affect almost immediately.] Because if I don’t get to talk to someone official I’ll assume it’s parking tickets. That, or banging that stuntwoman on the hood of that cab. ‘Cause let’s face it, I haven’t really done anything wrong.

-- Oh, shit, this isn’t about Woodhouse, is it? Come on! He’s not even people!

Is there anything else about this shitshow I should know?

Date: 2013-09-26 05:44 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (I know your deepest secret fear)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
[Regularly scheduled entertainment you say?]

Like pulling teeth.

Who's Woodhouse?

Date: 2013-09-26 05:52 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (and your heart was an open book)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
[And thus furthering the entertainment value. If only he was the type to draw mustaches.]

Wouldn't surprise me if that had something to do with your attendance here.

Date: 2013-09-26 06:01 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (hundred thousand people...)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
Because slavery is easily forgivable.

Date: 2013-09-26 06:10 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (you used to say live and let live)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
I hope you at least pay him.

Date: 2013-09-26 06:20 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (I'm gonna close my body now)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
[Wow, Archer.

Wow.]


I don't envy whoever gets you. [Please, do not let that be him. Do not be this cruel, Admiral.]

Date: 2013-09-26 06:33 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (what you see)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
It's a risk we're running. Why don't you make yourself useful and knock on some wood?

Date: 2013-09-27 10:56 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (and your heart was an open book)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
Oh, very witty. I'm practically dazzled.

Date: 2013-09-27 10:58 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (I know I'd never be me)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
You know what they say, about getting what you deserve.

Date: 2013-09-27 11:02 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (the phoenix for the flame)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
Now that hurts. You hardly know me.

Date: 2013-09-27 11:07 pm (UTC)
lastrat: (ain't nobody gonna tell me that I am wro)
From: [personal profile] lastrat
Does avoid a waste of time.
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