003 ♐ Video ♐ Give me a Boo, give me a B, give me an S

[codename_duchess]

[CW: Discussion of cancer]

[Guess what has two thumbs and is awake, Barge? And guess what’s also reasonably unperturbed by falling into a Barge coma? THIS GUY.]

So in case some of you idiots didn’t know, it’s October, which means in addition to pumpkin spice lattes and slutty Halloween costumes sold on every corner, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [Archer holds up a little pink ribbon; there’s another one pinned to the lapel of his suit.] Nobody should have to go through this disease, because except for the medical marijuana it freaking sucks. So show some support, guys, wear a ribbon. And if you haven’t gotten checked lately, run through the self-exam or hit up the doctors in the infirmary. I’m sure they’d be happy to help. [It says something about how serious he is that he doesn’t make any jokes about this. Not even a crack about mammograms.]

And speaking of slutty Halloween costumes, who’s throwing the party? Is it BYOB?

[Private; Rogue]
Uh, pub?

Pub.

Comments

[lastrat]

[He sees the headbutt coming and jerks back - not enough to avoid a broken nose, but he's well aware how a good Glasgow kiss can knock a man out. There's blood in his mouth, staining his teeth when he grits them.

Rogue's yell comes at a perfect time, though even James pauses when he hears it. Turning, he spits blood on the floor, eyebrows raising in an incredibly judgmental look at the other agent.]

Your middle name is Malory?

[And with the important things out of the way, he grabs the front of Archer's shirt with his good arm and yanks as hard as he can to the side, hoping he's distracted enough to let go of his leg and fall back.]

[codename_duchess]

[There's a crunch of cartilage, an immensely satisfying sound, and Archer follows it up with a laugh. Prematurely, because while the sight of Bond spitting blood on the floor is worth being yelled at, that question wipes the smile right off Archer's face.]

Yes, asshole, it is!

[He lets go of the leg but doesn't entirely lose his balance, and doesn't lose his grip on the bad arm either. If he's going down, and he has no intention of letting that happening, he's doing a little more damage first.]

[la_belle_rogue]

[Fed up, she walked up to the tussle on the floor, on Archer's side. She bent down and snagged Archer by the ear, pulling just hard enough to make the point.]

Let him go, and get up. Now.

[lastrat]

[Bond is more than happy to try and help her, because despite the pain shooting up and down his arm, radiating out from his shoulder, he keeps his hold on Archer and keeps pushing, dragging him in the direction Rogue is pulling.]

[codename_duchess]

Hey! Ow! Christ! Jesus H. Dickwad! [He has no choice but to go along with Rogue, not if he doesn't want ears as well as bruises to match Bond's. So he reluctantly lets go and staggers to his feet, protesting the whole way.]

What the shit is your problem, Rogue?!

[bitteraftertaste]

[And as soon as Archer's out of the way, Vesper is coming over to help Bond up, offering him a napkin from one of the other tables to help stem the blood flow from his broken nose.]

I think her problem, [She directs towards Archer without looking up at him, her voice icy and pointed.] Has something to do with you picking a fight and acting like a child.

[la_belle_rogue]

[It's like the lady read her mind.

Rogue didn't let go of Archer's ear. Nope, she was holding on to make sure he behaved. She looked to Bond and Vesper for the moment though. ]

He all right?

[lastrat]

[He needs the help, which is the most frustrating part. At least he doesn't sigh in relief when Archer finally lets go, though he does lay on his back for a second or two before Vesper shows up in his line of sight. He rises slowly at first, finding balance without the use of his right arm, then he's quick to stand. He takes the napkin with a grateful grunt, but doesn't staunch the blood just yet.]

Fine, [he snaps at Rogue's question, though his eyes are on Archer.] Are you his warden or his nanny?

[codename_duchess]

[It's not like he can do anything in this position without pulling a Van Gogh, and "Hey I lost part of my ear" is probably not a great line to use on prostitutes. So he summons as much dignity as he can while being chastised like a child and still acting like one (which is more than you might think, though the picture's still odd).]

Then that's just your problem, isn't it!

[bitteraftertaste]

[Nope, fuck you, sir, she is done. So done.

So done, in fact, that she walks over and slaps Archer across the face. Hard.

She might not be an expert in Krav Maga or Systema, but she's done enough training on the Barge that she's actually got a pretty good arm.

That accomplished, she's turning around and heading back to James without saying anything, although he'd better take the silence as "we're leaving right the fuck now" or he might be the next person she hits.]