006 ♐ Voice ♐ The party don't start till I walk in

[codename_duchess]

[This time, Barge, you do not get treated to the sight of Archer's face. This is because his recent coma just saw his initiation into another grand Barge tradition: being drawn on while passed out.]

Okay so that's not the first time I've spent a holiday passed out, but it still kind of sucks. At least I missed the community koombayah where everyone goes around saying what they're thankful for. Spoiler alert, nothing.

Are there still leftovers? Is the Wild Turkey gone?

If not, and if anyone needs me, I'll be in the spa and then Rogue's bathroom. With the door locked and the radio on. And the hot water running. For several hours.

Jesus, you guys are like a bunch of frat kids.

Comments

[codename_duchess]

It's what stupid kids do to each other when they pass out drunk at parties after three beers. Jesus, people, grow up.

[notdreaming]

[ She's going to assume that 'three beers' is not a lot. ]

Well, clearly it's what people on the barge do too. Things do get boring between disasters.

[codename_duchess]

Well -- whatever, that doesn't mean I have to play coloring book.

[notdreaming]

[ You people and your primitive writing tools. ]

You did get it off though, didn't you? I can't imagine that's a very fun way to spend your morning.

[codename_duchess]

I'll get it off when Rogue opens the door and lets me use her freaking bathroom!

[notdreaming]

You could ask nicely, you know.

[codename_duchess]

...I could what?

[notdreaming]

Ask. To use her bathroom.

[codename_duchess]

...Why?

[He's not being obstinate here; asking nicely has just never been a thing in the Archer family.]

[notdreaming]

Because it would be polite and less likely to end in violence. Just as a general rule.

[codename_duchess]

Yeah, but... I need to use her bathroom.

[Because getting something without strong-arming people into giving it -- what is this nonsense?]

[notdreaming]

Repeat after me:

"Hey, Rogue, is it alright if I use your bathroom to clean my face?"

[codename_duchess]

Um, no. No offense, but I've got too much penis for that.

[notdreaming]

[ ... ]

What do your sex organs have to do with anything?

[ She is nonplussed by the mention of penises. ]

[codename_duchess]

Um, they mean I'm not a girl?

[notdreaming]

Technically they only mean you have sex organs, but I'm still not seeing the significance.

[codename_duchess]

Well whatever. Alternative gender identities aside, having a penis usually means you're male. And I am way too male to ask like that.

[notdreaming]

That doesn't make any sense. What does gender have to do with manners?

[codename_duchess]

Um, because manners are for pussies?

[notdreaming]

[ These cultural differences are getting pretty serious. ]

...Are cats a gender?

[codename_duchess]

What? No, but... now that you say it I'm pretty sure there are some people out there who'd identify as "cat".

[notdreaming]

I think I was less confused when I didn't speak the language.

[codename_duchess]

What?

[notdreaming]

When I woke up on a strange planet hearing conversations across the world in alien languages. My head hurt less too.

[codename_duchess]

Wait, how'd we get from baths to Joan of Arc Reactors?