003 ♐ Video ♐ Give me a Boo, give me a B, give me an S

[codename_duchess]

[CW: Discussion of cancer]

[Guess what has two thumbs and is awake, Barge? And guess what’s also reasonably unperturbed by falling into a Barge coma? THIS GUY.]

So in case some of you idiots didn’t know, it’s October, which means in addition to pumpkin spice lattes and slutty Halloween costumes sold on every corner, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [Archer holds up a little pink ribbon; there’s another one pinned to the lapel of his suit.] Nobody should have to go through this disease, because except for the medical marijuana it freaking sucks. So show some support, guys, wear a ribbon. And if you haven’t gotten checked lately, run through the self-exam or hit up the doctors in the infirmary. I’m sure they’d be happy to help. [It says something about how serious he is that he doesn’t make any jokes about this. Not even a crack about mammograms.]

And speaking of slutty Halloween costumes, who’s throwing the party? Is it BYOB?

[Private; Rogue]
Uh, pub?

Pub.

Comments

[lastrat]

[Systema taught him to redirect movement, to apply force with very little effort. Getting Archer down was half the battle, but he's still off balance, trying to twist his leg free without compromising his shoulder.

The question earns a brief grimace, and bond shoves the flat of his hand against Archer's face, pushing and throwing his weight down to pin the other man.]

Talented though I'm sure you are, I'm not interested.

[codename_duchess]

[Krav maga's taught Archer to fight on the ground, and he intends to drag both of them down. There's no way he's letting go of Bond's ankle even as that hand forces him back; he loops his free arm under Bond's knee and twists with the force of the blow, pulling them both away from the table. They're at least both falling hard, with the pressure on Bond's joints if he has any say in it.

Once on the ground he twists underneath the other man, still holding onto his knee. He slams an elbow back at him with a chuckle.]

It's just not your lucky day.

[lastrat]

[Bond grunts with the strain, again with the elbow. It almost winds him, but he twists; systema has informed his style, but MI6 would be remiss if they let him in the field with one style to rely on. He grabs for Archer's arm, winds his around it to keep them locked in tight, and throws a hard punch at Archer's jaw.]

Could be worse, [he pants. He's holding Archer's arm with his right, and already feeling the strain in his shoulder. He throws another jab.] I could have breast cancer.

[codename_duchess]

[He hears that panting and realizes that the tight hold is straining Bond, immediately pulling back and continuing to turn. A little extra pain, that's all he needs, and then he can pin the other man.

Archer growls in rage, literally gnashing his teeth, and it's hard to say whether it's over the punch or the insult.]

I almost wish you did! [Almost. That makes it okay to say, right? Right.]

[lastrat]

That's harsh. [He grunts with the twist, knows the pin is coming and like hell he's about to allow that to happen. The pain in his knee is growing, matching the pain in his shoulder, but he's scrambling for purchase to keep Archer from rolling him. He's losing the upper hand, he already knows that.

His balance starts to slip, and he lets go of Archer's arm - he couldn't hold on much longer anyway - and grabs for the lapel of his jacket, jamming his left hand into a nerve cluster near Archer's collarbone.]

[codename_duchess]

Okay you're right, that was out of line. But you should have - a little more - sympathy! [Each pause is punctuated by a pull to Bond's arm or knee, straining them both further. He will walk out of this fight top dog.

Or so he's certain until Bond hits the nerve cluster and he feels the impact throughout his body. It's not enough to knock him back down or break his grip, but it weakens.]

Goddammit, Bond!

[lastrat]

Fff-- [It's the last pull that does it, and James has to clench his jaw when he ears a quiet pop next to his ear. His right shoulder dislocates, and he can feel the strength leave his hand almost before the pain really sets in.

He doesn't howl. If he can get through having his balls crushed without screaming right away, this certainly won't make him yell. It still bloody hurts, makes him a little more wild as his back hits the floor, leg still caught, and the very first thing he does when he has leverage is hammer his fist at Archer's jaw again.

He's done trading witticisms; he's too busy saving his breath, fighting harder because he knows he's in a bad position. He pulls his hand back for another punch, trying to get his other leg into a position that will help him trunk and roll Archer.]

[la_belle_rogue]

[It's at this point that she arrives. And when she does, she's a self-contained storm of irritation. She does not need this today or any other day. And if Archer was going to act like a five year old, kicking up a fuss and getting into school yard-esque fights, then by god, she would treat him like one.]

STERLING MALORY ARCHER!

[She bellows his full name, doing a very good angry mother impression, standing with her hands on her hips only a few feet away from where the men brawled.]

What in Gawd's name d'ya think you're doing?!

[codename_duchess]

[With both his hands occupied the only way to take the punch is let his head roll with the impact. This means his options for retaliation are limited and he loosens his grip on the bad arm while butting his forehead down against Bond's. This fight is almost his and he can feel the childlike glee of victory rising: he is kicking James Bond's ass. It's a boyhood dream come true.

Until that maternal yell.]

Um. Duh and/or hello?

[lastrat]

[He sees the headbutt coming and jerks back - not enough to avoid a broken nose, but he's well aware how a good Glasgow kiss can knock a man out. There's blood in his mouth, staining his teeth when he grits them.

Rogue's yell comes at a perfect time, though even James pauses when he hears it. Turning, he spits blood on the floor, eyebrows raising in an incredibly judgmental look at the other agent.]

Your middle name is Malory?

[And with the important things out of the way, he grabs the front of Archer's shirt with his good arm and yanks as hard as he can to the side, hoping he's distracted enough to let go of his leg and fall back.]

[codename_duchess]

[There's a crunch of cartilage, an immensely satisfying sound, and Archer follows it up with a laugh. Prematurely, because while the sight of Bond spitting blood on the floor is worth being yelled at, that question wipes the smile right off Archer's face.]

Yes, asshole, it is!

[He lets go of the leg but doesn't entirely lose his balance, and doesn't lose his grip on the bad arm either. If he's going down, and he has no intention of letting that happening, he's doing a little more damage first.]

[la_belle_rogue]

[Fed up, she walked up to the tussle on the floor, on Archer's side. She bent down and snagged Archer by the ear, pulling just hard enough to make the point.]

Let him go, and get up. Now.

[lastrat]

[Bond is more than happy to try and help her, because despite the pain shooting up and down his arm, radiating out from his shoulder, he keeps his hold on Archer and keeps pushing, dragging him in the direction Rogue is pulling.]

[codename_duchess]

Hey! Ow! Christ! Jesus H. Dickwad! [He has no choice but to go along with Rogue, not if he doesn't want ears as well as bruises to match Bond's. So he reluctantly lets go and staggers to his feet, protesting the whole way.]

What the shit is your problem, Rogue?!

[bitteraftertaste]

[And as soon as Archer's out of the way, Vesper is coming over to help Bond up, offering him a napkin from one of the other tables to help stem the blood flow from his broken nose.]

I think her problem, [She directs towards Archer without looking up at him, her voice icy and pointed.] Has something to do with you picking a fight and acting like a child.

[la_belle_rogue]

[It's like the lady read her mind.

Rogue didn't let go of Archer's ear. Nope, she was holding on to make sure he behaved. She looked to Bond and Vesper for the moment though. ]

He all right?

[lastrat]

[He needs the help, which is the most frustrating part. At least he doesn't sigh in relief when Archer finally lets go, though he does lay on his back for a second or two before Vesper shows up in his line of sight. He rises slowly at first, finding balance without the use of his right arm, then he's quick to stand. He takes the napkin with a grateful grunt, but doesn't staunch the blood just yet.]

Fine, [he snaps at Rogue's question, though his eyes are on Archer.] Are you his warden or his nanny?

[codename_duchess]

[It's not like he can do anything in this position without pulling a Van Gogh, and "Hey I lost part of my ear" is probably not a great line to use on prostitutes. So he summons as much dignity as he can while being chastised like a child and still acting like one (which is more than you might think, though the picture's still odd).]

Then that's just your problem, isn't it!

[bitteraftertaste]

[Nope, fuck you, sir, she is done. So done.

So done, in fact, that she walks over and slaps Archer across the face. Hard.

She might not be an expert in Krav Maga or Systema, but she's done enough training on the Barge that she's actually got a pretty good arm.

That accomplished, she's turning around and heading back to James without saying anything, although he'd better take the silence as "we're leaving right the fuck now" or he might be the next person she hits.]